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These are the Smells in My Neighborhood… in My Neighborhood…

It didn't happen until the day I moved in to my new place, but I quickly found out my next door neighbors smoke weed. It smelled like the most weed ever smoked - like I'm next door to Cheech and Chong. Impossible amounts of dope smoke billowing from over the wall. Visitors to my place have all commented on it. They must smoke all the time. It smells like the 90s when people still smoked weed.

The latest stench in my hood is a bit more disturbing... it's a pungent aroma - it smells like cum. Right in front of my house, it smells like a porno movie amount of cum. Several people have mentioned it. It isn't subtle - it hits you in the face and you say, "WHOA! Cum!" It's probably from some type of tree or something, but I don't have any trees at my house.

I hope it isn't some pervy asshole running up to my house whenever I'm not looking and jerking off a load on my driveway 50 times a day. I should check that website that tells me how close I live to sexual predators.

The pickup truck permanently parked in front of my house has a trailer attached which has a port-a-potty on it. I'm lucky it doesn't smell like shit. Speaking of sexual predators, the anus that owns that truck never seems to leave his house - none of his vehicles ever move. He probably doesn't have a job.

There's an alley at my new place that leads to the garage and it's enclosed and there's a small pet door leading to it. I put the cat litter box out there, and my cat has taken to using the entire space as a bathroom. He treats giant gravel bits as cat litter and has been making huge mounds of gravel. It smells a bit like cat piss out there. I will have to febreeze the rocks before I move out.

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