When you hitch yourself to someone's wagon, you find yourself with an instant best-friend. You pretty much always have someone to do stuff with. Movie buddy, dinner companion, travel sidekick, designated driver. Even if you never do anything, they are always there should something come up. Even doing nothing feels like something.

Enough time goes by with this and you forget what it's like to have nothing to do and nobody to do it with.

Tonight I sit alone - most of my friends are either busy or out of town or out of the country. My girl is in Vegas with her parents. Having nothing to do hasn't felt this nothing in a long time. I suppose I'll have a chance to get a little used to it since she'll be going out of town again shortly after coming back to visit family and friends in Alaska.

I remember being used to having nothing but time to myself, but I can't recall what it felt like to be used to it. Oh, I'm sure I could've "made" something to do, but I must not have wanted it bad enough since I didn't put much effort into it. I have a ton of shit to do around the house too, but I am just leaving it as shit to do as opposed to shit I've done. I have a Tivo and a new receiver to hook up. I have some crap I have to get ready to sell. I have a lot of cleaning to do. When I think about it - there's really an endless stream of things to do - just nothing I want to do right now.

I don't feel like people ask me to hang out all that often. Maybe they do and I simply decline. I'm not sure.

I'm rambling. It's just been a long time since I've been alone and completely unproductive. Clearing "The Pacific" off my DVR doesn't qualify as productive. Fuck - no wonder nobody asks me to hang out - I'm fucking boring.

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