Your Zodiac Sign May Have Changed – Realigned

Your Zodiac Sign May Have Changed.

New Zodiac

According to this article in Gawker, I'm a fucking Capricorn now. And Ophiuchus? What the fuck is that supposed to be? It's often referred to as "Serpentarius" (which sounds more legit and less like orifice).

Scorpios are pretty rare now I guess - if you were born on one of the 6 Scorpio days... I'm sure this means tons of sluts are going to have to find a new excuse for their sluttery.

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

* Discarded by the Babylonians because they wanted 12 signs per year.

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  1. Fuck ophiuchus. I was and always will be Taurus. Never will I be a fucking Aries.

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  2. Oh I forgot something: twelve signs for twelve fucking months.

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