I've been putting this one off. Not writing about it doesn't mean it didn't happen, so I suppose it's time once again to blog about getting older. I turned 37 on Sunday. I spent most of that day in a car on my way back from Vegas. My friend and I took a guy's trip over the weekend.
Las Vegas left me feeling a little sicker and a little poorer. It seemed like we were always really close to fun, but not able to touch it... we walked right up to the glass but could only watch the fun from the other side. It wasn't for lack of trying though. We had every intention of enjoying ourselves. And frankly, we didn't have a bad time. It just wasn't as epic as I had hoped or as it could've been.
Turning 37 just happened. I didn't really fight it. In fact, I bought some orthopedic shoes that look like a teenager would never wear. Having to reset my entire life sorta put things into perspective. I can't get worked up over aging at the moment. I'm sure it's going to get progressively worse as I approach 40. As I write this, I see Carrie Fisher has gotten old and fat. Princess Leia has been spending too much time at the buffet.
Maybe part of my not feeling as old as I normally do when I get a year older is because my reset has been like a rebirth. I got rid of so many things in the purge. Monday was my last day to go back to the old house before they brought a truck in to trash it all. I didn't bother going. Leaving that house behind was bittersweet. On one hand, I loved that location and was so attached to that house... on the other hand, I was so attached to that house that I never really went anywhere near the end.
This is a new me. I'm supposed to be ready to take on the world.
But I'm not.
I'm still sorta miserable most of the time. I don't really know what to do to fix it. I have tried taking mood meds and exercise. Making more money hasn't helped either. Travel helps I think. I'm going to try to travel more this year. Getting over the whole "getting raped/cancer before getting on a plane" might be a hurdle, but I'll work on it.
Last night a few friends held a small birthday festive at my favorite Mexican food place. It was nice, but it made me think about how I've spent so much time/money collecting things, but not friends. I have managed to be selective with my friendships, but not very good about keeping them alive.
I don't have a green thumb - I can kill a tree as easy as I can kill a lawn. I've demonstrated that time and again. Friendships are the same way - you have to nourish them like you would have to water a plant. Well, I'm shit at this, and it shows. So another thing I'm going to work on this year is friendships.
Finally it comes down to myself. I've let myself go. I went back to old ways with diet and exercise (lack of). I weighed myself in Vegas one night with the fancy scale provided by the hotel we stayed at. It flashed numbers back at me that I dare not repeat... thankfully, when I weighed myself the next morning buck naked (sans socks, shirt, and underwear) and after a pee, my weight dropped about 6 or 7 pounds.
I don't know how I dropped so much. Maybe I released 6 pounds of pee that morning or my shirt and socks weigh 6 pounds. No idea. It did put my mind at ease a bit though. It was still about 30 pounds more than I find an acceptable weight for myself. So the last thing on my list is going to be working on my weight. Diet, gym, sun and happiness. That's the goal.
More change is coming. We'll see where I'm at when I turn 38.